Episode 196 - We're Friends Until We Get Drunk

These days, it seems like no one knows how to be friends anymore. No one knows how to communicate. The only connections formed are through social media. & everybody seems to have access to everybody. People are emotionally exhausted and desire a change. But are we already in too deep?

Credit to Alt Kev on Substack for the article.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Yo, what's good, what's good, what's good, what's good, what's good, what's good. I missed you. What's good? Welcome back to Can I Vibe with y'all with the vibes? Are you immaculate? Every time we hop up in here, it is your host, Kaz. I'm excited. I oh my god. First of all, first of all, first of all, I gotta address something before we jump into it because I I do this intro week after week after week after week. And it came to my attention. Shout out to the person that said this. I I always said I know y'all hear it. I always say where the vibes are immaculate, where but it's the vibes are immaculate, and I say it so quick every time I do the intro, especially when we have guests, that like I just never pick up on it. So y'all should have told me, but it's all good. I still love you. It's okay, it's okay. Um, but welcome back. I am I'm so excited because um we have been recording our asses off this whole summer. Uh been super busy working, working, working for you. Um, honestly, this is the first recording that we've done uh in about a month. Like, still been super busy, but you know, like it's it's a different feeling. You know, you put the headphones on, talk in the mic, I talk to you, I you know, I just I feel like I'm here with you. So um I'm doing the solo Dola today, but we got a super, super good one. Uh because this is oh man, this is a very interesting topic, and I'm excited to share this with you. Uh but uh we'll get into that in a sec. Um before we do, before we do, like I said, you know, if you know the show, you know, you catch a vibe, and you gotta feel like you're in the room with me, all right? I'm talking to you right now, so I went on a little hiatus, you know, a little cleanse for my wine, but I was like, you know what, I'm in the mood to drink some wine tonight. It's only right I crack this bottle open. So I'm gonna crack it open with you. Hold on, hold on. Make sure you make sure you hear the glass. I'm gonna try to give y'all the ASMR as best as possible. I'm not I'm not good with ASMR, so I'm gonna try my best. Hold on, hold on. Alright, a little more for you before we start. I have a heavy hand. I have a heavy heavy hand. Yeah, I couldn't be a bartender. Alright, cheers. Salute.

unknown 2:48

Alright, now I'm ready.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Now I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Alright, so before we get into it for real, for real, um, quick little announcements just to keep you guys updated with everything. Um, number one. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, number one, number one, number one. I have been waiting to tell you this for so long. Hold on. I'm doing it again. I did it again. Why not? We are hosting our first live show. I've been saying it forever. We've been trying to set it up forever. It is so, so, so long overdue because you always ask us, when can we hang out? When can we catch a vibe? When can we jam out together? When can we drink some wine together? When can we just have some fun and have a good time together? And we finally get to do that. So save the date, September 26th. It's a Saturday. It's in Miami, so I know a lot of y'all um, or some of you might be elsewhere, but uh first show in Miami, got to do it for the hometown, uh, September 26th, 2.30 p.m. Mark that down, 2.30 p.m. Don't be late because you know we start on time over here. Um, and it's at Marlins Park, Lone Depot Park, uh, where the Miami Marlins baseball team plays. We are doing our first live show there at the Blue Moon Brew Hall at the park. Um tune into our Instagram page for more details, whatnot. Um at the time of dropping this, I can't link the ticket yet, but I'm gonna link the ticket in this episode on Monday.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

What day is that?

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Monday, Monday the 17th. Monday the 17th, it will is when it's going live. So honestly, you guys are the first to hear this. I'm excited. I'm so excited. I'm nervous too, but I'm I'm very excited. Like, I've never done a live show. It's way different, you know, when we're talking on a podcast compared to actually like meeting you face to face. But I'm ready. I want to meet you face to face. I want to have a good time. Um, and the fact that it's on a Saturday, like, come on. Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Before we get into it for real, I also got to mention with your ticket to the show, you also get access to the baseball game after. So when you get your ticket to the show, where everybody who goes to the show is gonna be grouped together with us. We have a section inside the stadium where basically you get to watch the game for free as well with your ticket to the show. So, shout out to the Marlins for helping set this up and stay tuned. Stay tuned because we're excited. Um, last announcement, also go check out the Patreon because finally getting back active on there. Like I said, we took a little hiatus recording and whatnot, but um, as of this weekend, gonna be dropping some good stuff on there, a lot of the bonus content, um, the full song videos, because usually we just post the clips on our Instagram and TikTok page. But Patreon is gonna get the full, full video, the raw, authentic reactions. So go subscribe to the Patreon, show some love, appreciate you. Anyways, all right. This is this is this is interesting. All right, so this article, I'm reading, we're we're this is gonna be like a book club today. All right, I'm reading an article to you. Um I read like a little bit of the first part, but I actually want to re I want to get an authentic reaction with myself as I'm reading to you because I was like, oh wow, this is crazy. Um, so this was sent to me by a friend. Also want to give credit to Alt Kev on Substack because this was written by him, beautifully written. Um, but this was sent to me, I was like, you know what, we gotta we gotta get into this because you know sometimes we talk about dating. So, title of the article is We're Friends Until We Get Drunk. Subtitle Modern Friendship Has a Boundary Crisis. So let me get into my narration. Hold on, one more sip of the wine before we get into it for real. Crazy, I'm drinking wine, it talks about alcohol in here too, but we'll get into that. Alright, so this is basically about you know the the modern hookup culture. Um people can't commit, people are just keeping all these options open, you know. So let's get into it. So, somewhere between hookup culture, emotional unavailability, social media, and alcohol, an entire generation forgot how to just be friends. Nobody says it honestly because honesty would force people to confront how emotionally chaotic modern relationships have actually become. So instead, we hide behind language that sounds casual enough to remove accountability, aka we're just friends. But modern relationships, I'm sorry, but modern friendship barely resembles friendship anymore. It is romantic dependence without responsibility, intimacy without commitment, romantic tension disguised as convenience. People text each other like lovers, confide in each other like partners, sleep together when alcohol gets involved, then wake up and pretend none of it meant anything because nobody wants to look emotionally attached. Welcome to dating in 2026. And somehow this became maturity, and maybe this is why so many people feel emotionally exhausted now, because modern relationships demand the emotional vulnerability of commitment while simultaneously rejecting the structure. I can't even talk, rejecting the structure that once made vulnerability feel psychologically safe. We want to access each other without responsibility toward one another. We want intimacy without accountability, we want exclusivity without sacrifice, we want emotional reassurance while still keeping other people emotionally available in the background just in case. Let that sink in for a second. And I'm not even speaking that about this from morally, I'm sorry, and I'm not even speaking about this from some morally superior position. I have participated in it too. Most people have modern dating culture is not some distant phenomenon happening to other people. We are all inside it to some degree. Just for context, this was written, this was said by the person writing this. Um, but while we're here, I'm guilty of it too, so you know, might as well talk about it. Um, we all contributed to normalizing emotional, emotionally confusing dynamics because they benefited us at one point or another. Maybe that is why this conversation feels so uncomfortable, because people recognize themselves in it. So that's the first segment. Um, what was that called? Oh, yeah, that's just the intro. But if that's something that resonates with you, definitely stay tuned because, like I said, this was a very interesting article. Um But a lot of a lot of what was just read and what was said it's crazy because that's how it really is. It's like people just want to, you know, in short terms, keep their options open. Like, you know, okay, have sex with this person, do this with this person, or even if you're not having sex, just like this person is great for dates, but like I don't really want to commit, I don't really want no vulnerability. You know, I'm gonna keep the other options open. So paragraph two everybody has history with everybody. Friendship circles today have become strangely incestuous. Everybody has history with everybody. Somebody dated someone briefly, somebody drunkenly hooked up once, somebody still secretly would if given the chance. Somebody swears they are past it while still speaking every single day. Yet the entire group continues operating as though none of the history matters. Modern culture normalized the idea that people should remain emotionally and socially accessible forever, and maybe temporarily it works, until real relationships enter the picture. I'm gonna say it one more time. Until real relationships enter the picture, until somebody gets a boyfriend or girlfriend outside the friendship group and is suddenly expected to feel completely comfortable with their partner spending weekends, nights out, holidays, and alcohol-filled environments around people they have already been intimate with.

unknown 11:44

Woof. Woof.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

That is where society starts gaslighting people because now boundaries are called insecurity. Discomfort is called controlling. Principles are treated like emotional weakness. People are told they should be mature enough to accept situations that realistically most human beings would naturally struggle to trust. I'm sorry, I'm processing this as I read it. But not every boundary is insecurity. Sometimes it is discernment. Because once physical intimacy enters a relationship, the dynamic the dynamic changes permanently. And maybe this is the uncomfortable part people avoid saying out loud, but I genuinely do not believe something remains fully platonic once physical boundaries have already been crossed. Maybe friendly, maybe familiar, maybe emotionally attached, but not fully platonic. Because intimacy alters the psychological structure of a relationship permanently, the body remembers access.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

My boy dropping gems. Emotional familiarity, familiarity and changes. I should have had that cup of wine before reading this, but it's all good. Boundaries become psychologically blurred whether people admit it or not. And pretending nothing changed simply because two people agree to keep calling each other friends feels emotionally dishonest. Intimacy creates psychological familiarity, whether people admit it or not. The body remembers access. And maybe that is part of the or maybe that is part people struggle to discuss honestly. Because once somebody has experienced physical intimacy with you, there is often an unconscious entitlement that develops afterward. Not always maliciously, sometimes subtly, emotionally, socially, or energetically. People begin interacting as though access to your body, your attention, your vulnerability, or your emotional availability becomes permanently negotiable simply because it existed once before. That is why so many modern friendships feel psychologically heavy, because the boundaries are no longer clear. Everybody is navigating invisible histories while pretending they are emotionally neutral, and deep down people can feel it. The strange discomfort when someone touches their friend too familiar familiarly.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Why can't I say that word today?

unknown 14:37

My bad.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

The lingering tension in certain jokes, the emotional territorialism hidden underneath platonic dynamics, the subtle jealousy people pretend not to feel, the possessiveness hidden beneath casualness. And I'm gonna take a quick pause real quick. Um, because we all may have been there. Um, if you're in a relationship, and whether you're a guy or girl, and you can feel your partner, like you can tell they have some history with somebody, and it might not be like you know, crazy, severe history. Um but like they just said, like that strange discomfort, discomfort when someone touches their friend, or the lingering tension in certain jokes, where like he said earlier, like you know, the what was the exact the body remembers access. That is a quote right there. That's a bar. Um everybody acts detached while emotionally reacting to one each other constantly, and maybe that is why so many people fall feel anxious inside modern friendships without fully understanding why. Because human beings are trying to intellectualize instincts that the body still experiences emotionally, especially when alcohol is involved, because alcohol does not create tension, it exposes it. Alright. Paragraph three. Stay tuned for this one. Social media made everything worse. Alright, so and social media made all of this infinitely worse because now nobody ever fully leaves anybody. Old flings still watch each other's stories, former hookups still send memes. People who crossed physical boundaries years ago continue maintaining emotional access to one another through likes, replies, private jokes, close friends, lists, late-night conversations, and casual friendly communication that previous generations never had permanent access to. People now casually maintain emotional ecosystems around themselves. Former lovers, old situationships, quote unquote friends with unresolved tension, mutuals waiting quietly for emotional openings whenever relationships become difficult. Who everybody has backups, everybody has access, everybody has emotional contingency plans disguised as friendship. I hope y'all paying attention. And social media allows people to maintain these almost romantic emotional connections indefinitely without ever having to define them honestly. That is why modern relationships often feel psychologically unsafe. Not because people are necessarily cheating physically, but because emotional loyalty itself has become blurred. People keep tiny pieces of intimacy distributed across multiple people while calling it harmless because nothing is officially happening. But emotionally, the lines are built are still being crossed constantly. And within modern friendship groups, social media created the perfect disguise. In quotes, we're just friends now. That sentence has become the safest hiding place for unresolved tension in modern relationships. Because technically, maybe they are friends now, but history matters, attraction matters, emotional familiarity matters. I can't say that word today. Um and pretending those things disappear simply because people rename the dynamic feels intellectually dishonest, especially when the communication never stops. That is what people struggle to trust, not random strangers. The person your partner already shared intimacy with, the person who knows them emotionally, who knows them emotionally vulnerable, the person who still has direct access to them every single day while everybody else pretends the past no longer exists. And the moment somebody questions the dynamic, society immediately immediately labels them insecure. But there's a difference between insecurity and understanding human nature, honestly. Modern culture keeps trying to convince people that unlimited access without boundaries is emotional maturity. But maybe maturity is understanding not that not every connection needs to remain accessible forever. What'd he say? What'd he say? The body remembers access. Alright, paragraph four.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

I've actually never been to a book club. And I actually do like to read, that's kind of crazy. So if y'all know of any book clubs, let me know.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Alright. The social punishment of growing up. And maybe the strangest part of modern friendship culture is what happens when somebody finally decides they no longer want to participate in those dynamics. The moment somebody meets a person who makes them reevaluate the chaos, the blurred boundaries, the emotional ambiguity, and the constant normalization of intimacy within friend groups, they often become the villain of the group. People suddenly act as though growth is betrayal, as though wanting clearer boundaries is judgment, as though removing yourself from emotionally complicated complicated dynamics means you think you are better than anyone else. And maybe that reaction reveals something unfortunate. I'm sorry, uncomfortable. Not unfortunate. Maybe unfortunate too. Because deep down, many people know these environments are unsustainable long term. But instead of confronting that honestly, people often protect the culture itself. So when somebody leaves those dynamics behind, creates distance, or chooses a relationship that requires stronger boundaries, they get treated as though they abandoned the friendship instead of simply evolving uh beyond a lifestyle that no longer feels emotionally healthy. Modern culture praises freedom constantly, but becomes strangely hostile when somebody chooses restraint voluntarily, especially when that restraint forces other people to question their own lives. And maybe that's what makes the entire conversation so emotional emotionally charged is that people can feel themselves becoming disconnected in real time. You could feel it in a way, in the way that people speak about each other, the way vulnerability becomes embarrassing, the way genuine care now gets mistaken for desperation, the way emotional detachment becomes socially attractive, the way people laugh at love publicly while Privately craving reassurance, safety, consistency, and intimacy more than ever before. I'm gonna read that one more time because that's facts. The way that people laugh at love publicly while privately craving reassurance, safety, consistency, and intimacy more than ever before. There is sadness underneath modern dating that people rarely talk about honestly. Everybody looks connected, everybody looks desired, everybody looks sexually liberated, and yet so many people feel emotionally homeless inside their relationships. Not because they are incapable of intimacy, but because modern culture taught people how to access one another without teaching them how to emotionally protect one another afterward. Alright, next paragraph. We don't even speak about sex properly anymore. Catch my breath. And maybe the clearest evidence of society's deteriorating relationship with intimate intimacy can be seen through the language itself. We no longer even speak about sex with reverence. We speak about it, we speak about it violently. We do not say making love anymore. Most people barely even say having sex. The dominant word now is fuck, a swear word, a vulgar a vulgarity. A term associated with anger, disrespect, humiliation, aggression, and decimal somehow became the primary language because I'm sorry, it somehow became the primary language people use for intimacy. Which I'm gonna throw my input real quick. I'm gonna scroll back. I ain't gonna lie to you. The term making love is beautiful in itself. Bring it back. This is my petition to bring it back. Bring back making love and bring back making love with the person you're supposed to be making love with. Because everybody, you can't be making love with anybody, with everybody. But because language reflects culture, language reveals psychology. The way people speak about things exposes how they subconsciously perceive them. And the fact that one of the most emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically vulnerable acts human beings can experience together is now described using a derogatory term, says everything about how disconnected society has become from the sacredness of intimacy. Sex stopped being viewed as connection, it became consumption. Something recreational, casual, transactional, an activity stripped of emotional weight and reduced to pleasure, validation, entertainment, temporary loneliness, loneliness relief, ego or social currency inside friendship groups where everybody has history with everybody else. And now people are shocked that modern relationships feel emotionally unstable. People are more sexually open than ever before, yet emotionally disconnected from one another. Everybody has access to bodies, but almost nobody feels genuinely seen. Ooh, girl, don't treat me like a piece of meat. People confuse physical closeness for emotional intimacy, then wonder why they still feel empty afterward. Because sex was never designed to function without emotional consequence. Paragraph five or six. Y'all keep counting for me, book club. The death of safe love. That is the lie modern dating keeps selling. That nothing means anything unless you decide it does. But everything means something psychologically. That is why betrayal hurts so deeply. That is why jealousy exists. That is why trust collapses when certain histories enter certain rooms. That is why so many people privately feel anxious while publicly pretending to be emotionally involved. And maybe that is the irony underneath all of this. At the same exact time, people are becoming more emotionally accessible, more sexually open, and more interconnected than ever before. People are also struggling more than ever to sustain relationships, trust one another, or build love that actually lasts. Everybody keeps asking the same question. Why is modern dating so hard? Why can nobody commit? Why do relationships feel so unstable? But maybe part of the answer is sitting quietly inside the way we now relate to one another. Because these dynamics do not leave people untouched psychologically. They shape people, they condition people emotionally, they slowly normalize emotional ambiguity, blurred loyalty, fractured intimacy, and temporary attachment until people no longer recognize what healthy emotional connection is supposed to feel like anymore. And over time, people stop knowing how to distinguish genuine intimacy from emotional convenience. People enter relationships carrying unresolved attachment, emotional familiarity with former lovers, blurred boundaries, psychological entitlement, and social environments built around ambiguity. Then wonder why trust feels fragile, why commitment feels difficult, why vulnerability feels terrifying, why emotional permanence feels almost impossible to maintain. And maybe the saddest part is that many people are not trying to hurt one another intentionally. They are simply participating in the culture that taught them how to access people emotionally and physically without teaching them how to protect the emotional consequences afterward. And maybe the saddest part of all is how rare safe friendship has started to feel. Not attraction, not sex, not situationships, just friendship. The kind where two people can sit across from each other at a coffee shop, speak honestly, laugh deeply, share vulnerability, and trust that intimacy will not eventually become transactional or sexualized. The kind where someone can call you during the worst moment of their life and know you are showing up because you genuinely care about them, not because some hidden part of you hopes emotional vulnerability might eventually become access. What happened to relationships feeling emotionally safe? What happened to friendships that did not carry undertones? And what happened to simply caring for people without secretly wanting ownership of their bodies? And maybe that is why so many people struggle with modern intimacy now. Because once every relationship becomes psychologically loaded, emotionally ambiguous, or sexually negotiable, people stop feeling safe around one another. Not physically, emotionally. And the strange part is that people who recognize this often get treated as insecure, conservative, emotionally immature, or controlling simply because they still believe boundaries matter. As though wanting clarity is weakness, as though restraint is repression, as though emotional safety itself becomes old-fashioned. But maybe there was wisdom inside those boundaries. Maybe boundaries were never about restricting intimacy. Maybe they existed to protect it. Because deep down, I do not think people are craving more access to one another. I think people are craving relationships that finally feel safe enough to trust again. Maybe calmness is the new intimacy. Maybe safety is the new luxury. And maybe the problem was never that this generated generation wanted less love. Maybe we just destroyed the boundaries that made love feel safe enough to exist.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

Can we take a moment real quick?

SPEAKER_02 30:02

Hold on, hold on. Until Monday. Ironically, I'm not gonna give you a whole podcast spiel about it. I'm just the reader today. But um, yeah, I wanted to share that because this was shared with me. And before you go talking shit, you know, it did not share with me in a way that, you know, I need to work on things. We all need to work on things. But shared with me in a way that was like, you know, this is a good read. Um for context, I am 30 years old, so um, I think modern dating kind of like goes for all ages, but you know, I'm kind of at that age where it feels very weird right now. It's very weird. Um I am a millennial technically, but you know, we grew up very old school, and now you know we're kind of like into this new modern thing, you know, um, with the social media and all that that was mentioned. So it is very weird, it's confusing. Um I agree with what he said. I think a lot of people deep down do crave the actual connection and togetherness and you know genuine friendship. Um, especially that last part we were talking about, you know, something you know, if you if you're in like a the absolute worst moment of your life, you know, someone really gonna be there for you, or are they gonna be there for you because they want access to you or access to your body? So um I definitely agree with that. Um, like I said, I'm not gonna give you a whole podcast about it, but wanted to do a little bit of a different episode today, share that with you. Um appreciate y'all tuning in because I'm not gonna lie to you, that's probably we're almost on episode 200. This might be to episode 200. No, it's like close to 200. But um, I have never, I don't think I've ever like read for a whole episode. So excuse my dyslexia. But yeah, thank you for uh tuning in. Let me know your thoughts. Drop some comments. Um, this is an audio only. There won't be any video clips because it's literally like I'm doing a super late night recording, and I didn't feel like setting up a whole studio. So um let us know your your thoughts in the comments uh for this audio portion. Um and again, like I said at the beginning, September 26th, 2 30 p.m. Miami, Florida. First live show. We look forward to seeing you, and we look forward to catching the vibe. Have a great week. Appreciate y'all.